I dare you to step back and laugh.

On a roll here, 9 months since the last post.  Soon I may be biannual. *insert eye-roll*  Yeah, I don't believe it either.  Real life happens.  There is so much going on physically with the family and then emotionally, there is an overwhelming cloud bearing down my shoulders.  I am not the only one to bear this cloud, my wonderful husband and kids unfortunately get rained on too.  But lately, I feel most of this storm has settled on me.


Cliff Notes version:  David is working out of town 4-5 days a week since last August; father broke his hip last year, spent 1 month in the hospital and then moved here to Boise for me to take care of (accompanied by the most stupid dog and antisocial cat known) in my house.  The move was our choice; social services wouldn't let him go back home as he obviously couldn't take care of himself.  The dynamics of this family changed enormously, some for the better, some for the worse.


That in itself doesn't sound too bad.  David leaves - dad stays.  Mostly single mom, home-schooler of 4, part time nurse at work, full time nurse at home for a parent that is quickly becoming senile, and small business owner.   I can handle most of this, I am a Master Planner; Outlook and I are buds, add in my iPhone and people are in awe.


What I can't handle is the emotional cacophony constantly in my head every damn second of the day.  24/7.  NO BREAK.  AT ALL.  Not even in the bathroom.


I am really not trying to complain, that won't help me.  I am just giving and getting perspective.


In any 5 minutes I feel:
     blessed- I have God, my wonderful husband, great kids, and my dad is being cared for
     angry- I have to take care of said dad and he is very hard to deal with
     lonely- my husband is gone.  He is also incredibly stressed at his job and then worries about me.  I miss having someone just listen face-to-face and hold me
     overwhelmed- see all of the above!!!!!
     depressed- nothing seems to get started, finished, resolved, cleaned, insert random verb here______
     anxious- having trouble doing it all and then trying to do it well too
     ugly- no personal time before 2am anymore to take care of self


I really could continue, but won't.


Please continue to pray for us (all of us) and the health of the family.  The 13 doctor's visits in 6 weeks didn't help either. *sigh*